hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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