I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
