You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the day after is always just damage control
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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