There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
