so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
