i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
