Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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