people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
