I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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