You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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