Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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