Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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