dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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