My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
