yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
