where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
