:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
