Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
