so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
