how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
