At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
