Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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