I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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