Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
