You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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