I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
