I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
