did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
