Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
