he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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