we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
