i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
