Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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