i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Last time i carry you out of a forest
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
