i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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