i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
