omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
