Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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