He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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