i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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