Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
