Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
