I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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