Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
