that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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