I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
