Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
