Plan B is the new Plan A
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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