HIV tests are more positive than that guy
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Randomize
