Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
