3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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