My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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