OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
