While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
