Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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